And so, I shall wait

As I peep through the window of the 5th floor at this night hour, I realize how insignificant a being I am in front of the huge cosmos. A wave of emotions sweeps me across as if I can never grow. Looking at the grand starless sky, I simply wonder if God will ever be able to find me in His own maze. I shirk my head in anguish and settle down to write this blog………..

Long back, I used to read every spiritual material that fell on my hands. Now, I've dumped all my bookish knowledge in the mental bin. With no offence meant, they appear meaningless to me of late, especially when all others are seriously reading, discussing, arguing and contemplating.

Many times, the new knowledge that I have learnt from Guruji is at the verge of being spilt but then I contain myself because I contend within that there might not be serious takers and I do not wish to pass them on as one more additional information only to be wiped out from the memory. I have learnt one important lesson in life - spiritual knowledge should be parted with only when it is yearned for.

Well, if in case I want to read any of the scriptures, I go through one or two lines all alone staring the blank wall most of the times coupled with restlessness due to my inability to grasp the truth practically. For self-motivation, there are many other ways wide open and I do emphasise the day's thought(s) in my own ways.

Sometimes I do feel that I am struggling all alone with all my incapacities, inabilities and limitations with all the bondages physical and mental, what with the world around is busy with its ever growing needs, wants, desires, emotional upheavals, accusations, conspiracies, possessions, possessiveness etc. There’s nothing wrong with that of course for this world is meant to be so, but I become very tired at such times, for there’s none around who is as serious as me. Or at least I feel so. But then I am a part of this world and hence I accept everything as such. I am also aware that I am no angel too.

Though I don't understand why I am writing this blog itself on the first hand, I am clear on one thing. I am not feeling lonely. It’s just the feeling that I am alone. Of course, I am aware that I have chosen a less travelled path that should be trodden all alone.

The opening para appears so childish now….. I know that God / Light knows about my existence. :)

And so, I shall wait.